Bring a Model session 1
Circumstance:
My Agent’s response times have been getting longer and longer, sometimes reaching nine weeks and always exceeding a month. This time around I’ve so far been waiting on feedback on opening chapters and a draft premise (of a book I’m passionate about and love) for five weeks and counting.
Thoughts (in all their unfiltered, melodramatic glory):
– This is completely unacceptable!
– This is her way of dumping me as a client
– If the relationship is making me feel like this, isn’t that telling me it’s effectively dead?
– I’d never accept this level of sloppiness in my day job – any staff who behaved in this way would get a severe talking to
– It’s not like she’s a superstar agent anyway – the advances I’ve received have been tiny, I’d be better off elsewhere
– Oh god, this means a return to the years and years of fruitless querying
– My career is over
Feelings:
Rage, Sadness, Hopelessness, Disappointment, Crushing defeat
Action:
– (In relation to my agent) continuing to wait, whilst feeling a suite of negative feelings
– (In relation to my writing) becoming distracted and failing to stick to my schedule because I’m watching my inbox in a bad temper
Result:
Progress towards my dream goal has slowed.
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I love this idea of a Model-specific webinar. So, what I need coaching for is more Life-related but it absolutely impacts my writing:
C – I was a victim of homophobic harassment at work and my employer is being quite slow and only mildly reactive (barely proactive if at all) in dealing with the aftermath
T – This is bulls***!
F – Somedays I get furious, others I feel overwhelmed and even betrayed
A – I’m trying out different strategies (for example I just got a lawyer, etc…)
R – Things are not static, they are moving, but veeeery slowly
C – All of this (see previous model)
T – I *should* (thought error alert!) focus on solving this first, it’s a priority
F – Too much, I shut down, feel drained
A – I don’t (or barely) write
R – My book is not 100% on hold but it’s definitely not developing as I’d like.
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Unintentional model:
C – no agents have yet offered to represent my novel
T – that’s not a good sign, maybe no one will take me. Maybe no one ever will! My friends who got agents fast sold novels fast too. Maybe even if I get an agent, my novel won’t sell.
F – panicked, sad, depressed, disheartened
A – don’t send to more agents, scared to nudge agents with the full manuscript in case they say no.
R- agents are less likely to offer, I wait longer for a response because I don’t message
Intentional model:
C – no agents have yet given me an offer on my novel
T – any day now, one of the three agents who have the full could make me an offer, one of the other amazing agents I’ve sent to could request the full
F – excited, confident, energised, calm
A – work on my next book, knowing it’s going to be amazing. Send to more agents, confident in success of new book
R – agents are more likely to offer, I’m making progress towards eventual success
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C: My Instagram marketing gets very little engagement despite regular posting, following ‘how to’ advice etc
T: I’m rubbish at marketing
F: Demoralised, feel like giving up
A: Get frustrated, keep trying new things which I’m sure will work and then getting back to the start of the cycle
R: cycle repeats ad nauseam
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C: no agent or editor has responded with a yes to my 51 book queries
T: I must not be a very good writer/my book must not be very good
F: disappointed, sad, feel like I’m banging my head against a wall with the continued revisions and queries
A: continue to write without much enthusiasm
R: no published book
I know that you’ve coached on this (I have learned something in my time as a DA) and I could change my feelings. I could do this:
C: no agent or editor has responded with a yes to my 51 book queries
T: they are missing out on a great book, my book must no fit any of their ‘boxes’, I just never found the right agent or publisher
F: determined to persevere
A: self publish the book
R: get a self published book I can market myself
The problem I have with self publishing is this:
C: I self publish the book
T: Since no agent or publisher wanted the book, I had no choice. I gave up and essentially vanity published the book. I didn’t really achieve my goal of a traditionally published book
F: disappointed
A: I buy some ads on social media to market the book
R: I do have a published book which is better than no book at all
I know there are lots of self-published authors who do quite well and have chosen this path. I remember that you had a self published author on a DA webinar and she was happily and successfully published. I know that you have a self-published book. But I am still struggling with changing my thinking that self publishing is giving up. I need some bridge thoughts.
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C: Agent not responding to my request for royalty statements
T: What if the publisher has gone bust/what if the sales figures are so bad they’re too scared to tell me/do I want to send my next book to this agent if they’re just going to ignore me (even though they’ve been good until now)?
F: Anxiety and annoyance and doubt
A: I don’t do much other than worry about it from time to time then ignore it and do other things
R: No progress on knowing how well the book has done or my feeling capable and in control (and not ignored)
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C – my eldest son is struggling with intrusive thoughts and is refusing to talk to me (or anyone) now – he says it doesn’t make any difference, so why bother
T – I worry things will boil over and he’ll do something silly or get himself into trouble
F – I feel helpless, a bit despondent, anxious, and if I’m honest a little surplus to requirements. It’s weighs heavy.
A – lack of action is part of the problem
R – limbo – cyclical – I can see he’s struggling but he’s bottling it up and pulling away
On writing the above, I can hear you saying something along the lines of … but you’re worrying about a thought that isn’t a reality. I’m finding that really difficult, as a mum, not to. And I guess, as he still lives at home, at least he’s not totally alone with his thoughts!
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C – I have paid work with short-term deadlines
T – I am needed and being paid for work I feel I can do
F – Valuable, happy
A wonder about how I can reconcile my apparent need for short-term validation with my dream of writing books that pay me enough not to do other paid work but that don’t offer short-term rewards like feeling needed
R – feel mildly perplexed and so write to Sophie!
“The experience of having a book rejected and then realising later that you wouldn’t have wanted to put it out there as your first published book anyway… that’s a really valuable experience. It enabled you to practise failing, practise feeling the painful feelings that come with disappointing results, and learn that actually events ended up working in your favour despite the pain – because you wouldn’t ultimately have wanted that book to be published. So, you learned how to take your writing to the next level and (although there was some pain) nothing actually went wrong. In this way, we can learn to associate pain and disappointing results (which are always part of any writer’s life, no matter how high-earning or bestselling they are!) with exactly what needs to be happening in order to get us to the next level of our writing lives/selves, rather than (as most people do) with something having gone wrong.”